The Eye of the Bedlam Bride (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #6) by Matt Dinniman 
Series: Dungeon Crawler Carl #6
Published by Ace on July 2, 2023
Genres: Fantasy
Pages: 832
Format: eBook
Source: Netgalley
I received this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
This post contains affiliate links you can use to purchase the book. If you buy the book using that link, I will receive a small commission from the sale.
A pantheon of forgotten gods. An old grudge between a talk show host, an heiress, and the man they shattered along the way. A rapidly deteriorating AI system. An inconvenient tiara upon the head of a friend.
It is bedlam on the eighth floor.As management reels from the unexpected conclusion of the seventh level, the surviving crawlers stumble onto the eighth and find themselves scattered. It’s a map based on Earth’s final days before the collapse, where ethereal, intangible ghosts of humanity go about their lives, oblivious of the impending doom. Living amongst these ghosts are monsters based in Earth lore. “Legendary” creatures tied to the geographical location they inhabit.
Each team of crawlers is given a task: find and capture six of these beasts. The captured monsters will be turned into cards. Cards that can be summoned into battle again and again. The stronger, the deadlier, the better.
At the end of the floor, the bad guys will also have decks, and they will have some of the most powerful cards available. So it’s crucial to assemble the toughest squad possible.
But, like always, there is a catch. There’s always a catch.
As Carl and Donut know all too well, just because someone is captured, it doesn’t mean they have been tamed.
Her name is Shi Maria. She’s easily the most powerful monster in their area. If they want to survive, they must capture her. But she is no ordinary beast. She’s intelligent. She was once married to a god, a god who is now missing. Her special attack is known to drive one insane. They call her the Bedlam Bride.
“Beware, beware. Beware the Eye of the Bedlam Bride”
This one is gonna offend a whole lost of people, but I was laughing so hard.
It’s Level 8. Notice we skipped a level? Someone broke the dungeon and this time it wasn’t Carl.
For Level 8, the AI has added an interesting twist…or they are simply Pokemon fans. In order to get down to Level 9, you will need a key to open the door to the stairwell. In order to get a key, you will need to battle for them, with cards!
Carl and Donut have been transported to Cuba this time and once again isolated from their friends. The only other crawlers they find on the island are a nun, who used to work at a prison, and her two companions. Carl and Donut aren’t ready to trust them, but Carl is still trying to help as many crawlers survive each floor.
This level is broken down into three sections, the first being to find and trap mythical creatures with magical abilities into playing cards and you will use them for a card battle royal. As they fight these mock battles with the NPCs, including warrior seals and crabs who are mostly busy trying to kill each other, they will win special bonus cards, like extra time or extra fast. Since Donut’s intelligence level is still higher than Carl’s, she as their team leader will be in charge of the deck while Carl and Mongo protect her from physical attacks.
And when I say mythical creatures–and this is the part some people might find offensive–there are a couple of different Jesus cards, or Heyzoos, depending on which you captured. One of the other crawlers trades Uzi Jesus to Carl and Donut because he was too difficult to work with, but he was a powerful card, so they were trying their best. If you can laugh about it, the author did have a good time with it and Uzi Jesus had some of the best lines. I think I highlighted them all.
Since these aliens have been planning Earth’s invasion for some time, they have been “recording” days in the live of Earth for many years in preparation for this type of level. And the second part will leave Carl facing some family issues from his past, including things he never knew about his own father. The powers that be are starting to get pretty worried about Carl, his popularity and his leading the crawlers, even from afar, further and further down the levels, as messing things up for them in their own systems. They are hoping to mess with him enough that he won’t be able to continue. But they never hear Carl’s inner chant of “You will not break me.” He will continue on even if it is only to protect Donut.
The final portion is the real card battles against level bosses, and of course, we come to find out there won’t be enough keys to go around, so the showrunners are trying to get the crawlers to battle each other to leave the level. Does that leave Carl and Donut battling their friends, especially when they find out that their friends have been transferred to Cuba with Carl and Donut and that they all don’t have keys of their own.
This was a mix of fun with some of the card battles and tension-filled. You know Carl is making it down (he’s our narrator) and Donut better be going with him, but how many others will make it and how many will they be forced to leave behind?
I am sad as I only have one more book before I catch up with the series. Anyone who has ever excitedly jumped into a new series only to finally catch up understands the sadness here. I will say at least I will make it to the ninth floor with Carl and Donut before I will have to sit back and wait to find out what happens next.
Favorite Scene:
Shi Maria was clearly our strongest card by a wide margin. The giant monster would appear, quickly assess the situation, and then skitter across the battlefield to dispatch any opponents, usually in seconds. Sometimes, though, she’d first demand to see all the other cards Donut had in her hand, and she’d make suggestions or ask Donut to cast some of the buffs on herself first.
One of her biggest strengths was the Cockroach ability, though we never got to see it in action. It worked differently when she was a card. If she died–and she never died–the card would simply get returned to Donut’s deck and not the discard pile.
Also, she’d occasionally play with the opponents. She had a sadistic streak, and she’d keep the opponent monsters alive long enough to devour them partially before she finished the job. Once, we fought a Gorgon, which was just an eight-foot Medusa creature with a Naga body, and she paralyzed the monster and then started pulling the snakes from her head, one by one while the monster sobbed. She’d reached down and kissed the Medusa full on the lips as she finally died, groaning sexually as she did so. All of us, including Uzi Jesus, had just stared at the display.
And speaking of Uzi Jesus, he was also going to be a problem. He wasn’t as openly hostile as Asojano, but if Donut asked him to do something, he’d smile and say he’d do it, but there was only a 50% chance he’d actually perform. And then he’d outright lie about it a minute later. It was like he was a toddler. I sent a sarcastic message to Florin thanking him for the card. He’d just responded with a laugh.
The last time we summoned him, Donut asked him to resurrect Geraldo, who’d been literally cleaved in two by a minotaur’s axe. He’d said he’d do it, but then he simply sat there.
“Now, Heyzoos. Please,” Donut had said, frustration rising. “Skylar is about to time out.” Skylar the donkey head with wings was on the other side of the battlefield flying in circles around the minotaur, who was screaming at her in Greek and swiping up with his giant bloody axe. If Jesus used the Resurrect Totem spell, Geraldo would not only come back, but it would be as if we’d just summoned him for the first time. his timer would reset, and all the buffs and debuffs would go away.
“I did.”
“You didn’t. He’s still dead. I can see him right now.”
“The bodies turn to dust when they die,” he’d said. “He’s still there. That means I resurrected him. It’s not my fault he’s being a pansy.”
“He’s in two pieces, Jesus.”
“Maybe he’s an atheist.”
Donut looked as if she was going to leap over there and claw him. “If the deck has a resurrect card or totem that can Resurrect, the bodies remain. You were the one who figured that out last time!”
“Well, I did it. Look, just let me go over there, and I will shoot the bull.”
“Don’t gaslight me, Jesus. I know you can shoot it. But this time I want you to resurrect Geraldo. We’re practicing. You’ve done it before. I don’t see why you won’t do it now.”
“Believe in me, Princess Donut.”
“Carl, do something!”
I sighed. “Look, Heyzoos, will you do it if she takes back what she said earlier?”
He crossed his arms. “Maybe.”
I gave Donut a pointed look.
She appeared on the precipice of violence. I’d never seen anyone get under her skin this much since Tserendolgor. I would’ve ejected the asshole by now, but he was such a powerful card, I wanted to wait and see if they could come to an understanding. I was trying not to be a back seat deckmaster. When the real fights started, I wouldn’t be able to sit there and help her.
“This is not how this is supposed to work. This is not how this works,” Donut said. Across the field, Skylar timed out with a pop. The minotaur roared and started charging in our direction. “Heyzoos, I’m sorry I said you’re not the real Jesus.”
Heyzoos sighed dramatically. “I weep, Princess Donut. I weep. I just hope my father will forgive your blasphemy. Gah!”
He accidentally pulled the trigger on his Uzi, shooting himself in the shoulder. His gun went spinning away. While he danced around, cursing and holding his shoulder, Donut pulled out Raul, who rushed over and killed the charging bull with a spinning kick.
And that was pretty much how all of these fights were going. We’d win, and we’d win easily, but it wasn’t because Donut had firm control over her totems, which worried me.
